Losing Sarah

This post is a little more difficult to write then some. I know many of you have been praying for us though and I wanted to let you know where we are. Tuesday the 28th Sarah went to live with a family member. We found out exactly a week before she moved that she was moving. It was a bit of a shock because there had been no mention of finding a family member before that day. Losing Sarah was one of the most difficult things I have ever had happen. We loved her as if she were our own. I cared for her 24/7 for two months. I took a little 4lb 2 ounce baby and turned her into an 8lb 11ounce baby. We bathed, dressed, and fed her but more importantly we loved her. We knew when we got into foster parenting that it would be difficult but until you actually have to let go you don't realize how difficult. A lot of people say they understand but you don't really understand unless you have been through it. I have had many times where the pain is overwhelmed me and I have cried for her. I have times where something triggers it and I feel like I can't breath for a moment. Matt has had moments where he really misses her. Like in the morning when he would feed her and take her for a run sometimes. Kara has asked for her and sometimes forgets she is gone. Kara has also been good about drying mommies tears and of course she is a wonderful distraction. From the beginning I have prayed that God's will be done in Sarah's life. She is safe and she is loved and she will know God's love and will be taught about him. It is not what I would choose because I wouldn't let her go given the option. But it is what God chose and his wisdom is far beyond mine. So we are hurting but we are also healing. God is comforting the hole in our hearts and has once again given us the desire to help someone else who needs safety and love. Matt and I have chosen to go out of town this weekend just the three of us because we think it will help us reconnect and to get away and not have to talk to others (which we are not quite ready to do) and help with our healing process. We have plans to visit family in MN in a couple weeks. When we get back we are going to once again be open to take a foster baby. You may ask "Why on earth would you do that again? After all the pain you were put through why?" That is a very reasonable question and the only answer we have is "Why would we not?" there are many children out there who need the love. It hurts and I don't want to go through this again. But my baby (Sarah) is safe and loved. I have the time and resources to give another child the same safety and love we gave Sarah till her home was found. This is a mission I feel God has given my family. God never once said that life was easy and we aren't taking the easy way out. We can do this only with the strength and grace of God but he has already given it to us abundantly. So we ask you to pray for us and we continue our healing and that God would prepare our hearts for what he has in our future.