Lately I have been struggling with what I call the winter blues. Just need to get out of the house, trying to exercise regularly, and eat right. Just when I thought I was getting it under control Kara was exposed to the chicken pox. I panicked a little at first, but the pediatrician didn't seem concerned so neither was I. Kara had a cold last week and that is ok she gets colds from time to time. Then yesterday, I was holding her and I could feel a little rattle in her chest. She started coughing and I could hear her breathing. Concerned I made a bunch of calls till I finally was able to talk to a nurse and get her in to see the doctor today. She had a definite wheeze going. Since Matt has Asthma, I had heard what a wheeze sounds like. The doctor listened to her lungs and said she is wheezing and has a respiratory disease in the family of RSV. So they put her on regular breathing treatments and she is going back tomorrow to see the doctor again. When I got home from the doctor's, I was thinking about the fact that I am monitoring my child for signs of the chicken pox, while treating her every 4 hours round the clock for a respiratory problem. I realized that I am tired. Not the need to crawl in bed and sleep a few hours tired. The tired that comes when you feel like you just can't quite get your feet under you. When you are being hit over and over. Then I realized why I was so tired. I was trying to do it all myself. I was trying to use my strength and God was there knocking my feet out from under me trying to get me to rely on him. So I took a minute and said "God I am tired, so tired. I have been trying to do it all in my own strength and my own power. Now I am powerless and I need your grace." The relief I felt was immense. While doing Kara's breathing treatment tonight I realized I no longer feel that powerless feeling. I feel like I can deal with this. My baby girl is going to get better and with the grace of God we will get through this.
So I learned this week, that when life is getting me down I don't need a vacation or a nap. I just need to rely on God. Apart from him I can do nothing (believe me I've tried). In the end I can be thankful that I have my sweet baby girl. I want to be the best mom I can be and the only way I can achieve that is by the Grace of God.
