So, We Have A Baby Now: Thoughts from Matt

I'll make a confession - I may be the last person in the world to write a blog post. This is the very first one for me. But these last few days have been so remarkable that ... well, let me tell you about it. Plus, my wife was kind enough to let me borrow her blog for a few minutes so I should take advantage of it.

I was attending SC Bankers' School about an hour from home last week. On Wednesday morning I was in a lecture (topic: calculating debt service coverage ratios - yahoo!) My phone showed an incoming call (yes, it was on silent) but since I didn't recognize the number, I just assumed it was the shop across town where I had taken my bike the previous day to get a spoke replaced. I let it go to voicemail. 

A few moments later, Lindsay texted me - "James Thompson [our adoption attorney] called. We need to talk though, there are some medical issues." You know one of those moments that you'll never forget because you can tell your life will never be the same? That was it. 

So many questions. What kind of medical issues we were talking about? When I finally got to talk to Lindsay on a break, she informed me that the baby has Dandy-Walker malformation, a congenital brain abnormality that can cause developmental problems in children.  I knew nothing about the condition, so I turned to that time-honored font of wisdom, the Internet. Dandy-Walker is a condition where a lobe in the rear part of the brain called the vermis doesn't develop in the womb. It's rare - only about 1 in 25,000 live births. Prospects for a child with the condition vary widely.

The rest of the week was a blur. I think I managed to concentrate on the lectures and I'm pretty sure I passed the exam. But I couldn't think about much else. What would it mean for us to take a child into our home who had potential for huge medical bills and development problems? Was this something I could handle? On the other hand, if we didn't take her, what would happen to her? Would she bounce from one foster family to another? A lot of horrid, selfish thoughts were in there too. 

At the end, I guess this reasoning won out: If we had adopted a healthy baby and then found out down the road that she had a developmental problem, we would continue to love her just as much as before. I don't imagine there's a better way to learn that there's more important things in life than your own happiness.

We made the final decision to take the baby on Friday night after I got back from school. From then until we arrived at the attorney's office on Saturday afternoon to meet her for the first time, we both felt like we were swinging back and forth between excitement and terror.  At one moment it seemed perfect, and the next moment we felt way over our heads. We took a walk around the lake at Furman on Friday night under a steel gray sky and talked about the future. There we finally settled on a name for our little girl - Kara Anne. 

Our little girl had already undergone an routine but involved procedure to install a pressure-sensitive shunt in the back of her skull. A tube attached the the shunt runs under her skin down into her abdomen. The purpose of this is to allow the excess spinal fluid the builds up in her brain to be released and resorbed into the body. The surgery was apparently a complete success. After talking to the neurosurgeon on Tuesday morning, we learned that the average functional life of these shunts is about five years. However, some fail more quickly, and others can last a lifetime. It just depends on how her body responds to the new "hardware." We have some signs to look for that could indicate that the shunt has failed and needs to be replaced. The good news is that the replacement surgery is typically pretty simple. 

As for the Dandy-Walker malformation, the doctor informed us that there's really no way to know at her age how much it will affect her development. She could be completely "normal" or could suffer serious developmental issues. It just depends on what else did or did not form properly in her brain when the vermis failed to develop. The doctor said she'll need CAT scans done likely every six months for the first few years of her life until we get a feel for how she's going to develop.

I hope this doesn't sound cold, but I've never been the type to fawn over babies. I guess that has changed a little now that I have my own. But I'm most impressed with the potential of this young life: the 100 billion neurons in her brain could someday give her the ability to cure cancer or write a great novel. I can reach around her thigh now with my thumb and forefinger, but someday those legs might carry her to the finish line of a marathon. The possibilities are endless. I'm not going to be a perfect parent. But I'm going to love her and provide for her as best as I can, and we'll see how the story plays out.

- Matt

Wow! What a crazy ride this adoption has been but it has also been a huge success! Today we are praising the Lord for our new, beautiful daughter, Kara Anne. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with her to love and guide. She is already blessed us beyond measure. We cannot say it enough how much we love her and are truly thankful for her :)
Here is our story: Most of you know that we started the whole process in January and the preparation actually went quite quickly. In April we were ready to start looking for a family. We have been waiting and waiting not hearing much and just praying. Then Matt on July 8th, Matt left for a week long banker school. On July 11th, Matt was in class when he got a call from a number he didn't recognize. Since his bike had broken a spoke the night before, he assumed it was the bike shop. When he didn't answer they called me at home. Jim Thompson started by telling me who it was and that they had a baby but there is a problem. She was born with a disease called Dandy Walkers Syndrome. He had an adoption counselor on the line, she told me it is a rare disease that affects the cerebellum and that there are different ranges from mild to severe. Unfortunately we had no way of knowing how severe it was. Also she had something called Hydrocephalus. Apparently that is water in the brain and tends to happen to children affected by Dandy Walkers. She had already had a stint put it and seemed to be doing well. She was born on June 22nd and the attorney told me that his mother had picked 3 profiles before they knew about the Dandy Walkers and Hydrocephalus. Ours was the only one of those three that didn't specifically say "No special needs." We had first pick before they went on to the special needs list. So I got of the phone head reeling. I got a hold of Matt and then got online to look up these two things. Matt and I were both not sure what to do. We were leaning towards taking her in the morning. That afternoon we were leaning away. It was probably the toughest thing I have ever been through. Thursday I was able to see the babies medical records. They didn't really tell me much but he suggested I call a doctor that we trusted. I called our local family doctor who referred me to a pediatric unit who referred me to a referral service who referred me to 2 pediatricians who had never heard of Dandy Walkers. As you can imagine I was rather frustrated after that. I called the attorney back and he told me that the baby is being treated by a neurosurgeon right here in Greenville. Friday morning the secretary of the attorney set us up and appointment for Tuesday morning. Then I made the request that changed our life. I asked for a picture of the baby. She stole my heart instantly, this was a real baby who needed a home. I think that was when I was ready. That afternoon Matt came home and we spent some time in prayer and talking about it and decided we wanted to bring her home. I called the attorney's office and told them that we wanted her! They told me we could bring her home as early as the next day or we could wait until after the doctor's appointment on Tuesday. There wasn't a way I could wait till Tuesday. We set up a conference call for the next day. On Saturday we had the conference call we drove to Spartanburg and  brought our baby girl home. Fun Fact: We brought her home on July 14th 2012. On July 14th 2007, Matt asked me to be his wife :)
We want to thank so many people for their prayers and support. Especially our parents. We also would like to think Brian and Jenny Bibb for recommending Jim Thompson. Also we are very thankful for Jim Thompson for all his hard work for us and being so understanding and supportive as we wrestled with the decision. We are so blessed and thankful for our sweet baby girl.