crazy month

It has been well over a month since I last posted and it has been the craziest month of our lives. Kara's surgery went as planned on the 15th of October. We were relieved and very happy with how well Kara did. She gave us one smile day of surgery although she was very groggy and the day after she was back to normal. Ten days later she woke up really irritable. I tried giving her a bottle and she wouldn't take it. She felt warm to me through her clothes so I took her temperature. When the thermometer reached 102, I didn't bother to finish. One of the things we need to watch for with the hydrocephalus is a fever. If it gets above 100.4 we are supposed to take her to the ER. So I called Matt and Aimee (lady I work for) and Dr.Troup's office. Matt came home and Aimee came to pick up her kids. We rushed the baby to the hospital. All we have to say is shunt and they whisk us in with no waiting. Kara's fever was up to 104 when she got into the ER. They immediately gave her Tylenol to lower the fever and then told us they would be admitting us. They took blood and urine samples just to rule out infections anywhere but in the shunt. All along we were pretty sure the shunt was infected. So they admitted us and we moved back to the 5th floor. Little did we know that room number 5516 was going to be our home for almost a month.  The night she was admitted Dr.Troup, her neurosurgeon, came and drew a culture sample from her shunt. The fluid came out clear, which we learned was a good sign.  Unfortunately the culture came back showing bacteria. This indicated that she had a shunt infection. Dr.Troup explained to us that she had a shunt infection and then he laid out the plan for the next 3 weeks of our lives. She started antibiotics the day she came in and she was going to continue on them. She had to be externalized, which involves taking the tube that runs from her head down into her abdomen out of the abdomen and connecting it to a tube that would collect her spinal fluid. The tube was on a plastic thing that looked kind of like a board and it had to be adjusted to be level with her ear, every time she was moved. As you can imagine this was a challenge. Every day they would collect spinal fluid from the external piece and test it. It takes several days to tell whether it is going to grow anything. After we had negatives for four days we had 6 more days of antibiotics. Then after that Dr. Troup would take out the original shunt and put a new shunt in on the other side of her head.  So this was the "plan". It took a few days of disappointment with cultures coming back positive for bacteria. The Infectious doctor decided to add a second antibiotic called Rifampin. He explained that Rifampin helps break a barrier in the brain and allow the first antibiotic Vancamison, to get into the brain and kill the infection. Once they started her on the Rifampin we started to see the clear cultures come back.  We had our struggles throughout the week. They decided to put in what they call a picc line. It is a central line the put in so that they don't have to repeatedly stick her with an IV. The average life span of an IV is only about 3 days. They attempted a picc line just by sticking her in the arm and threading it through. Sounds terrible but Kara only cried with the first pick and actually fell asleep on the table while they were attempting. They were unsuccessful. They set her up with an appointment with Radiology the next day. Radiology put her out and then used a camera to try and thread the picc line. Once again they were unsuccessful.  They said the veins in her shoulder were too small. I had a hard time with all this. Her IV had already popped out once and watching her get stuck over and over was hard. I was a little upset and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. A doctor explained to me that with babies the almost always go in a vein in the head. Because Kara had a shunt infection in her head, Dr.Troup told them they were not allowed to use her head.  So the next step was a Broviac. A Broviac is a line the put in under her collar bone that comes out just above her heart. She had to have actual surgery to put that in. The surgery was a success and the Broviac proved to be absolutely wonderful. When we finally ended out countdown it was a Friday. Dr.Troup operates on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Because she was right at the end he wouldn't do it on Friday. He wanted a few more days buffer. His schedule was booked Monday so her surgery was set for Wednesday at 2:30. Then we planned to go home on Friday. That would put us at 22 days in the hospital. Wednesday at 1:30, Dr. Troup came to our room to inform us that he wasn't feeling well. He hadn't cancelled anything yet but he said he wouldn't want some one feeling like he did operating on his baby. He gave us two options. He could reschedule for Friday or a another surgeon could do it. Matt and I discussed it and brought him back in to ask about the other surgeon. He told us that he does adult shunts and he could do the shunt. The stomach part would have to be done by a pediatric surgeon. Matt and I were uncomfortable with the fact that he wasn't a pediatric surgeon. We ultimately decided to reschedule for Friday which added two days to our stay. We took comfort in the fact that we made the right decision for Kara. Friday came and she went in for surgery. We got started late but she was angelic while waiting. The surgery went pretty well. They were surprised by the amount of scarring in her stomach. A nurse called me during the surgery to tell me they brought in a pediatric surgeon to open up her stomach because of the scarring.  We were a little confused by this but Troup explained to us after the surgery that an infection will cause scarring in her stomach. The amount of scarring was more than they expected. Suggesting that she may have had the infection longer than we were aware of and the revision she had on the 15th, may have given it a chance to show itself. All in all things went well though. 2 more days of antibiotics and she could come home. So we brought her home on Sunday. Her head has been sore and is still very tender but she is getting better everyday. We took her to the eye doctor on Monday. We were concerned about the crossing of her eyes. He said that the pressure may have caused that and they may go back to normal now that the pressure is off. He is going to check her in a month and see if they have gone back to normal. If they haven't he is going to patch them. They are improving so far. They sent her home with her picc line which Matt and I are required to flush everyday with saline and then heprin. It was a learning experience but we are getting it down now. Friday she went to the pediatrician and she said everything is healing perfectly so far. She left the hospital Sunday at 13.8lbs and weighed in at 14.14lbs on Friday. We think the new introduction to cereal may have had something to do with that. She also got her 4 month vaccinations a little late.

We have so many people to thank. First of all my mom, who flew down Friday and helped us through all of this. Also Matt's mom who came down for the surgery and helped with the baby so we could get out of the hospital some. Several families from church: Adams, Joiners, Johansons, Coreys, Conleys, Lehmans, Carrs, Miriam Chapman.  Who all brought food or came to visit, it was so sweet. Also my boss Aimee, who has been incredibly flexible.We also want to thank people from the bank who came by or sent food. Especially Teresa, who scoured the city to find Kara a Halloween costume for the hospital trick or treating. Last of all we want to thank the multitude of people who were praying for our sweet baby. We ask that you continue your prayers for her that God would provide healing and that the infection would not return. We can't praise the Lord enough for what he has taught us and is continuing to teach us. We know this was to grow our faith and it still continues to grow. We are so thankful for our little girl. We know that we only have her by the grace of God and he has chosen us to parent her. I promised God that if he gave us a baby we would do our best to raise her to love and serve and give glory to him. We would do our best to raise her to have faith. Little did we know that she was going to be the one to teach us about faith. Thank you all again. We know that God heard and answered each and every prayer said for Kara.

surgery

Monday October 15th is Kara's surgery. It is scheduled for 8:00 am and she will be staying overnight.
Please pray for our baby.

Big Updates

So it has been a busy week for little Kara.  On Tuesday she went to the neurosurgeon and received some interesting news. Her head is continuing to grow to quickly and the doctor said he needs to replace her shunt. Which means surgery again. Her current shunt it working correctly but it has a regulator which is not allowing enough fluid to drain. Because the correct amount of fluid is not draining her head is growing to accommodate the excess fluid. We are going back to remeasure after our MI vacation. Then the surgery will take place sometime in October. We are trusting that God has a perfect plan in this and thanking him for a great doctor who will know will do everything he can to help Kara through this.
Then on a happier note: Kara is officially a Verley! We had her court hearing at 4:30 today. It was pretty straight forward. Matt and I both took the stand were swore in and asked questions and the judge decided it was in her best interest to be adopted. So now she is legally ours as if she were born to us. We are getting a birth certificate with our names on it and a social security number. It was a true celebration and we are thankful to the Lehmans as well as my sister Kelsey for sharing this special time with us.
We look forward to our upcoming trip to MI. Kara will be getting to see all her aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great-grandparents. We are truly blessed to have this opportunity to be her parents. Please keep her in your prayers with her upcoming surgery. God has richly blessed us with her and  by his grace will continue to bless.   

Busy busy busy

So much has happened in the last week or so with Kara so let me give you a rundown. First of all she had her first cold. A slight fever, congested nose, cough. It lasted a little over a week and sometimes made mommy very nervous but we made it through.  Then she got to meet her great grandma Braun. She got to hang out all weekend with Great-Grandma, Grandma Pullum, and Aunt Kelsey. Aunt Kelsey is now a college student at Bob Jones so Kara gets to see her hopefully a lot.
Second of all she had her second pediatrician appointment. She has been spitting up a lot lately. The doctor said that is common in babies with her condition.  She is still gaining weight though so she isn't concerned and just switched her formula from Gerber Good Start Gentle to Gerber Good Start soothe. She is now up to 11lbs 15 ounces, our big girl. Then she got her first shots. That was terrible. They wouldn't let me even hold her so mommy and baby cried. That night she went to sleep laying on top of me at 7:30 or so. Matt laid her down around 8:30. I thought about changing her diaper and putting her pajamas on but figured she'd be up in a couple hours. She got up at 5:45 the next morning. I think the shots made her sleepy :) She was a little cranky the next day and seemed uncomfortable but we just gave her tylonel and snuggled her all day.
Yesterday, we had are post-adoption homestudy with Ann McGill.  We love Ann she is so sweet. Everything went well as we expected. Kara took right to her namesake and we had a great time. She is going to write up the report, and get it right back to us right away because we have a court date!!!! September 19th at 4:30. Family and friends are welcome. Kara is already our baby but that day it becomes legal!
So we are very excited about the next few weeks. Still so thankful and know we are blessed to have her in our family. Thank you everyone for your prayers and continued support!

Kara had her first pediatrician visit today.  Praise the Lord she is very healthy.  She weighed in at 10lbs 12 oz and is 22 1/2 inches long. She still looks thin but the doctor said she is perfect weight for her height. She just looks thin because she is so long. Her head is 48 cm which is large. The average size head at her age is 38 to 40 cm. I asked the doctor if she would grow into her head. She said that when her head starts to fuse she will grow into it. The doctor seemed very knowledgeable on Dandy-Walker and hydrocephalus. She was great with Kara. Everything was great and our baby girl is very healthy. Exactly where she needs to be. The doctor said next she should be holding her head up and pushing her chest up. She said if she is a little delayed it will more likely be the weight of her head then the Dandy-Walker. She doesn't have to go back till she is two months to get her vaccinations. We are so thankful that God provided us this beautiful and healthy baby.

So, We Have A Baby Now: Thoughts from Matt

I'll make a confession - I may be the last person in the world to write a blog post. This is the very first one for me. But these last few days have been so remarkable that ... well, let me tell you about it. Plus, my wife was kind enough to let me borrow her blog for a few minutes so I should take advantage of it.

I was attending SC Bankers' School about an hour from home last week. On Wednesday morning I was in a lecture (topic: calculating debt service coverage ratios - yahoo!) My phone showed an incoming call (yes, it was on silent) but since I didn't recognize the number, I just assumed it was the shop across town where I had taken my bike the previous day to get a spoke replaced. I let it go to voicemail. 

A few moments later, Lindsay texted me - "James Thompson [our adoption attorney] called. We need to talk though, there are some medical issues." You know one of those moments that you'll never forget because you can tell your life will never be the same? That was it. 

So many questions. What kind of medical issues we were talking about? When I finally got to talk to Lindsay on a break, she informed me that the baby has Dandy-Walker malformation, a congenital brain abnormality that can cause developmental problems in children.  I knew nothing about the condition, so I turned to that time-honored font of wisdom, the Internet. Dandy-Walker is a condition where a lobe in the rear part of the brain called the vermis doesn't develop in the womb. It's rare - only about 1 in 25,000 live births. Prospects for a child with the condition vary widely.

The rest of the week was a blur. I think I managed to concentrate on the lectures and I'm pretty sure I passed the exam. But I couldn't think about much else. What would it mean for us to take a child into our home who had potential for huge medical bills and development problems? Was this something I could handle? On the other hand, if we didn't take her, what would happen to her? Would she bounce from one foster family to another? A lot of horrid, selfish thoughts were in there too. 

At the end, I guess this reasoning won out: If we had adopted a healthy baby and then found out down the road that she had a developmental problem, we would continue to love her just as much as before. I don't imagine there's a better way to learn that there's more important things in life than your own happiness.

We made the final decision to take the baby on Friday night after I got back from school. From then until we arrived at the attorney's office on Saturday afternoon to meet her for the first time, we both felt like we were swinging back and forth between excitement and terror.  At one moment it seemed perfect, and the next moment we felt way over our heads. We took a walk around the lake at Furman on Friday night under a steel gray sky and talked about the future. There we finally settled on a name for our little girl - Kara Anne. 

Our little girl had already undergone an routine but involved procedure to install a pressure-sensitive shunt in the back of her skull. A tube attached the the shunt runs under her skin down into her abdomen. The purpose of this is to allow the excess spinal fluid the builds up in her brain to be released and resorbed into the body. The surgery was apparently a complete success. After talking to the neurosurgeon on Tuesday morning, we learned that the average functional life of these shunts is about five years. However, some fail more quickly, and others can last a lifetime. It just depends on how her body responds to the new "hardware." We have some signs to look for that could indicate that the shunt has failed and needs to be replaced. The good news is that the replacement surgery is typically pretty simple. 

As for the Dandy-Walker malformation, the doctor informed us that there's really no way to know at her age how much it will affect her development. She could be completely "normal" or could suffer serious developmental issues. It just depends on what else did or did not form properly in her brain when the vermis failed to develop. The doctor said she'll need CAT scans done likely every six months for the first few years of her life until we get a feel for how she's going to develop.

I hope this doesn't sound cold, but I've never been the type to fawn over babies. I guess that has changed a little now that I have my own. But I'm most impressed with the potential of this young life: the 100 billion neurons in her brain could someday give her the ability to cure cancer or write a great novel. I can reach around her thigh now with my thumb and forefinger, but someday those legs might carry her to the finish line of a marathon. The possibilities are endless. I'm not going to be a perfect parent. But I'm going to love her and provide for her as best as I can, and we'll see how the story plays out.

- Matt

Wow! What a crazy ride this adoption has been but it has also been a huge success! Today we are praising the Lord for our new, beautiful daughter, Kara Anne. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with her to love and guide. She is already blessed us beyond measure. We cannot say it enough how much we love her and are truly thankful for her :)
Here is our story: Most of you know that we started the whole process in January and the preparation actually went quite quickly. In April we were ready to start looking for a family. We have been waiting and waiting not hearing much and just praying. Then Matt on July 8th, Matt left for a week long banker school. On July 11th, Matt was in class when he got a call from a number he didn't recognize. Since his bike had broken a spoke the night before, he assumed it was the bike shop. When he didn't answer they called me at home. Jim Thompson started by telling me who it was and that they had a baby but there is a problem. She was born with a disease called Dandy Walkers Syndrome. He had an adoption counselor on the line, she told me it is a rare disease that affects the cerebellum and that there are different ranges from mild to severe. Unfortunately we had no way of knowing how severe it was. Also she had something called Hydrocephalus. Apparently that is water in the brain and tends to happen to children affected by Dandy Walkers. She had already had a stint put it and seemed to be doing well. She was born on June 22nd and the attorney told me that his mother had picked 3 profiles before they knew about the Dandy Walkers and Hydrocephalus. Ours was the only one of those three that didn't specifically say "No special needs." We had first pick before they went on to the special needs list. So I got of the phone head reeling. I got a hold of Matt and then got online to look up these two things. Matt and I were both not sure what to do. We were leaning towards taking her in the morning. That afternoon we were leaning away. It was probably the toughest thing I have ever been through. Thursday I was able to see the babies medical records. They didn't really tell me much but he suggested I call a doctor that we trusted. I called our local family doctor who referred me to a pediatric unit who referred me to a referral service who referred me to 2 pediatricians who had never heard of Dandy Walkers. As you can imagine I was rather frustrated after that. I called the attorney back and he told me that the baby is being treated by a neurosurgeon right here in Greenville. Friday morning the secretary of the attorney set us up and appointment for Tuesday morning. Then I made the request that changed our life. I asked for a picture of the baby. She stole my heart instantly, this was a real baby who needed a home. I think that was when I was ready. That afternoon Matt came home and we spent some time in prayer and talking about it and decided we wanted to bring her home. I called the attorney's office and told them that we wanted her! They told me we could bring her home as early as the next day or we could wait until after the doctor's appointment on Tuesday. There wasn't a way I could wait till Tuesday. We set up a conference call for the next day. On Saturday we had the conference call we drove to Spartanburg and  brought our baby girl home. Fun Fact: We brought her home on July 14th 2012. On July 14th 2007, Matt asked me to be his wife :)
We want to thank so many people for their prayers and support. Especially our parents. We also would like to think Brian and Jenny Bibb for recommending Jim Thompson. Also we are very thankful for Jim Thompson for all his hard work for us and being so understanding and supportive as we wrestled with the decision. We are so blessed and thankful for our sweet baby girl.

Well here we are waiting on the attorney. We knew this day was coming and they have everything and are just trying to find us our baby.  We keep praying and trusting God's timing and his provision. Lindsay worked for a month at Bojangles just trying to pull in as much extra as possible. She was then offered another childcare position with the children she previously nannied for that fits incredibly well with her current nanny job and has taken that on. With Lindsay out of the house more Matt has picked up the slack and been a great help.  Now we are just praying that God would continue to provide funds, we even have a thermometer on the refrigerator. We are now just being patient and trusting God's timing. We continue to pray for our future baby and her birth mother who may even now be making the hard choice to give her up. We would appreciate your continued prayers for us in this limbo period. We are very excited for what the future holds for us.

We have received the homestudy finally. It has been just over a month but felt much longer. Everything came back clean, not that we expected it not to. We will be sending our photo books and home study to the attorney tomorrow. We will have a conference call after they get it and ask us the particulars of what we are looking for in our child. Then they will start showing our photo book to prospective birth mothers. We are excited and ready for this next step and are praying it goes quickly.

So not much has happened in the last month. It has actually been kind of nice because it kind of felt like everything was moving fast. I needed a break to recollect myself.  We haven't received the home study yet. The social worker called the other day and said that our background checks from MI and SC are in now and she is going to finish the report and we should get it soon. Once we get that and our photo books to the attorney then comes the real waiting. It has been good though and we are excited about what is yet to come.

The Homestudy is over and it went great! Ann (the social worker) was so sweet and put us to ease right off the bat. She asked questions about our family and our health and and pretty much got our life story. We answered but it wasn't like a question answer session she told stories and made it more like a conversation. She was really sweet and really excited for us. She told us at the end that she didn't see any problems and she can't wait to see a child in our home. So it was great. Now we are just waiting for her to type up her report which she'll send to us we'll read it for accuracy then send a copy to our attorney. We are so thankful for all your prayers! Our adoption is moving along quickly and we are very excited about what the future holds for our family! Thanks again for all the prayers and words of encouragement. God is blessing us in amazing ways through this whole process.

Tomorrow is the  big day!!! Our homestudy is tomorrow and we are all ready, well we hope we are all ready! It has been a lot of work pulling everything together but we are excited about meeting the social worker (she seems incredibly sweet on the phone) and answering all her questions. After this we meet with the attorney again and give him specifics on what kind of child we feel called to parent and give him our photo books and then we just patiently wait. So this is the middle step to finding a child. Thanks for all your prayers and continued support we'll let you all know how it goes.

We have ordered our photo book. It was a lot of work and sometimes frustrating for us but it is done and ready for birth mother's to view. We put it together on Shutterfly.com and they are constructing it now and will come in the mail hopefully in the next few days. After we receive it we will make two spiral bound copies then all 3 go to our attorney to show to prospective mothers. We have been doing a lot of research on biracial adoption and we wanted to post a couple things that have good information. We would like to challenge our families especially to listen to the podcast. It is about 30 minutes long and gives you a good view of the challenges we are going to face and how to deal with them.
The first is an article about a family who did a cross cultural adoption
http://m.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/dekalb/stories/2008/06/14/braids_0615.html
Then here is the podcast
http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=136208967&m=136208957

Today I thought I would take time to update everyone and tell you what we have decided. I took some time to look at and even call some other agencies and get an idea of price wait and so on. We have decided to stay with the attorney James Fletcher Thompson. He has the best estimated wait as well as we just really like him and the way his office is run.  So what is the next step? We aren't totally sure but we are going to call him on Monday and see exactly what that is. We have been finishing up our profile/portfolio of our lives to give him to show prospective mothers. I am doing it on shutterfly and hope to have it finished by Tuesday so that we can get it ordered and then copied and then get all 3 copies to the office along with the next payment.
I have also set up our home check for February 20th at 10am. Matt is off that day and I'm going to try to switch day so that I don't have Sam also.  They make is sound not so bad by calling it a home check but it is more of a life check where the really dig in and find out personal things about you. It is kind of intimidating but at the same time if that is what I have to do to become a mom I don't mind. So now we are waiting for the information the social worker is going to send us so to give us a heads up on the things we need to collect.
Thanks again for all the prayers and words of encouragement we appreciate them.

We had our consultation yesterday. It took about two hours and they filled us in on a lot of information. We were very comfortable with the attorney. He was a very nice very understanding person who has adopted his 3 children. He was straight forward with us and didn't sugar coat anything. He also told us if we decided to go with African American or Biracial (which is the only way we could go because the Caucasian is full and we knew that going into it) we would be 28th on the list of 30, which sounds rather daunting but he then told us 15 of the 28 are on hold which means they asked him to stop showing their book for now so really there are only 13. Still sounds daunting but then he clarified that once you are on the list it isn't a first come first serve basis. They take the photo books of all the people not on hold and they show them to prospective families. He told us that we have a lot going for us because we are young, we have no children, and we live in SC. He says he thinks he could have us placed with a birth family in six months. I was a little confused on why living in SC was good for us because I thought he only did adoptions in SC but he said that a few years back there just wasn't a market for African American and biracial babies and he wanted the birth mothers to have a choice but he just didn't have people who were willing to take them so he started adopting some in Ontario where there is much more of a melting pot and more of a market for them. Now there is more demand in SC and most birth mothers prefer there kids stay in the US.  
That pretty much sums up the meeting, they explained a lot of stuff to us so if anyone has questions feel free to ask. There is just too much information to put all on here. So here we are now just praying and taking a few days to mull over what we learned before we make any decisions. It is a huge decision to make both financially but even more so life changing. So we thank you for your prayers and we look forward to seeing how God leads.

Matt and I are pleased to announce that we have a consultation date. Tuesday January 24th at 3:00. We are looking forward to getting more information on this journey we've started. Thanks again for your prayers!

Well, currently not much to update. We are waiting to hear back from the attorney about a consultation time. We have been thinking about ways to start preparing for bringing a baby into our home. We have asked around and found that here in Greenville there is a huge consignment sale called Switch-a-roos. It is only held twice a year in the TD convention center and it sells children's supplies. The next show is the first weekend in February so we are gearing up for that and hoping to come out with some of the much needed supplies such as a car seat, stroller, pack n play, and swing. 
We are just praying for patience and the God's grace as the waiting continues.
We are thankful for your support and prayers,
Matt and Lindsay

Hello Family and Friends,

Most of you know by now that Matt and I have decided to start the adoption process. We decided to create a blog to keep everyone updated on where we are. We have contacted the adoption agency and tomorrow we are going to make the call to set up the consultation. We ask for your prayers at this time because we are going to be hit with a lot of information at once. We also ask that you would pray that God would provide finances, this is the first of many expensive steps.
We are very excited about what the future holds for us. Thank you for your support and prayers at this time.
Love,
Matt and Lindsay